i guess every1 in the team noes abt it alr.. since the day i knew abt it.. i sumhow had dis deep melancholy hidden within mi heart dat is undescribable.. being me.. on the surface of mi heart.. mi mind was telling mi to stay optimistic no matter wad.. i dno whether i was again running away frm reality.. but sumhow sumwhere in mi heart.. it was calling out to me.. telling me... ur instincts r correct grace.. the bad premonition n all.. it came true.. althou i kept telling the whole world.. nono.. i tink she still can play... nono she will b alrite.. actly wen the doc. wanted to see her earlier.. i alr knew sumthing was wrong alr.. but i jus refused to accept it..
even wen i knew things came true... i still bore hope of her recovering n recuperating in time to play.. actly simply.. i felt bad taking away dat position.. i placed miself in her situation.. i imagined n imagined.. i tot veri hard n deeply...
i cant bear the tot of anithing happening to her.. actly everytime i see dat she's happy.. or she's laffing.. i try mi bes to convince miself yes she's fine she's feeling okay.. but the other part of me.. tells mi.. she jus doesnt wan pple to worry for her.. she doesnt wan pple to noe dat she's sad too..

i dno.. dat part of it jus pains me alot.. the rude wake-up call was prettaye overwhelming..
the impact of her absence during trng cld b so deeply felt today.. i felt i was on mi own.. yet i cld feel her strength in me.. i was toking to jm today abt it.. den i said.. deres a lotta things i needa do.. n frm the moment coach started toking to mi abt it.. i started tinking of everything i needa do... frm building chemistry to all mi kicks throws yada yada.. i guess i finally woken up to mi idea alr

i realised i havent been doing wad i was capable of.. n underperforming... becos i took for granted dere will always b a her dere at the frntline.. n she was strong.. now dat she can no longer b in dat position alr.. i suddenly felt dat u noe loss.. emptiness.. as in i seemed to haf lost mi direction momentarily... den i knew i was on mi own alr... i knew it.. i knew i had to b stronger..

it daunts mi u noe.. it's not sum small injury.. dat u can recover quickly.. it's a totally different case..

today.. i practised mi punts a lot.. i havent gotten the correct technique.. mr cheong was coaching n coaching mi.. teaching mi the correct way.. i was really trying me bes to b more consistent... im still not perfect yet... but it's okay practice makes perfect.. jus dat i needa noe i dont haf the time in the world animore... it's time to speed up n stop taking mi own sweet time..

drills by coach seemed veri tailored to mi needs for mi to improve.. everything jus seems like.. whoa.. actly coach's n mr cheong's support allowed mi to assured me dat as long as i worked hard.. i cld reach the standards i expect of miself... honestly speaking i haf been veri touched by wad coach has done for all of us in the team.. he never fails to reach out to every single one of us despite the size of the team.. i like him to tell us to wake up to our idea n scold us... it stirs dat resilience in mi.. to fight harder...

during gameplay.. mr cheong was by mi side.. toking to me.. encouraging me.. pointing outta mi mi errors.. mi throws were shit.. but i guessed i can block out more balls now.. n jiemin told mi for the fers time she felt secure wif mi at the back.. den again.. dere was sum high balls i haf problem blocking out.. despite mi height...

i thank coach n mr cheong for having faith in me.. really.. dat's all i need i realised.. i need ur guidance ur coaching ur criticisms..